Codependency is essentially a dysfunctional emotional dependence on the love, moods, well-being and behavior of others. It often involves a codependent, placing lower priority on his/her own needs, while being unreasonably preoccupied with the wants of others. Codependency can happen in any kind of relationship, including romantic, work, family, friendships, and the like. This type of behavior can normally be characterized by low self-esteem, control patterns, denial, or excessive compliance.
The problem is often followed by other addictions. Codependents will use both their drugs and their relationship addictions to avoid feelings.
The causes:
Feeling avoidance
Codependency is basically a way to avoid feeling one’s own emotions by focusing on other people instead. Codependents realize at some point during their lives that they do not have to focus on their feelings if they spend time focusing on other people. The problem often occurs if a person grows up in an environment where there are strict rules. Families that do not allow members to talk about how they feel and discourage them to believe in their own instincts make them gravitate towards codependent relationships. One of the best antidotes for such behavior is direct communication.
Perfection
People who are prone to codependency may also be from families that focus too much on perfection, or at least the look of it. Parents normally want their kids to do extremely well, far beyond sensible expectations. Such parents do not bother asking their kids if they are interested in the particular path they are forced to take.
Hypocrisy
Families with hypocritical values that encourage members to be selfless beyond measure produce codependents. Parents in such families often force their kids to follow standards that parents do not confirm to themselves. Children have absolutely no opinion in these families.
Overly cautious
Codependent families are very cautious and deter their children from causing any kind of controversy. Due to this, codependents discourage themselves from doing anything that may lead to problems.
Secrets
Codependent families may have secrets that all members are supposed to hide. Because the members fear that these secrets may come out, they tend to close down communication with the outside world.
Conflict
There is a tendency in codependent families to avoid conflict. When disputes do occur, they normally lead to family members abandoning or attacking each other. They use fear, threats, and guilt to control one another. Control provides a sense of safety to the members.
Isolation
A lot of codependent families are isolated from the community, with no one leaving or entering the family. Due to this, the members become isolated from other people, reducing the chances of someone noticing the problem and intervening.
Codependency describes thoughts, behaviors, and feelings that go past normal care-taking or self-sacrifice. It requires immediate and systematic help. There are several clinics in California that provide holistic healing to codependents. These programs help the addict heal mentally, physically and spiritually for an overall and lasting effect. If you know someone who is suffering from such a problem then contact a treatment facility immediately. The best way to find out about such clinics is to search online.
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